First I would just like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there! Everyday is your day, but this weekend should be nothing short of long naps, take out & being smothered in kisses.I originally started this post writing about celebrating mother’s day & how we don’t turn little holidays into a big deal. I was going to write how proud I am of Luka and the mother’s Day tea we had at his school and quickly that post turned into talking about his setbacks and the struggles we have lately endured.
I deleted the entire thing. I realized, I don’t want to look back and just read about my mother’s day. I don’t want to write just to write. It’s not the reason I started this blog. I want to read it and feel it. I don’t want to talk about the setbacks of my children. I want to rave about how proud I am of their accomplishments, how loving they are, and how happy they make me.
It was late at night, Friday night. I was sitting there, looking down at my phone while I was rocking Mateo to sleep. I usually use that time to scroll through social media because I try hard to avoid it when they are awake and need my attention.
Anyways, he was being antsy, wiggling around and just couldn’t get comfortable, but I knew he was tired. He finished his bottle and just kept pointing to things on my phone. Finally he sat up, and laid his head on my chest. Then he closed his eyes. But at that moment I realized I was so distant from him. I was looking down on my phone. Was I expecting to see something more important than my child? No, I thought. So I quickly turned it off. This sweet angel was literally leaning into me. He couldn’t have gotten any closer to my heart…
Tears started streaming down my face. Tears of joy, and tears of gratitude. I truly was soaking it all in. The quiet time with him, just rubbing his back and listening to him breath. I was thinking how this doesn’t happen very often. I don’t remember the last time I cried tears of joy. That struck a cord with me. It allowed me to realize how important these moments are to me, but more importantly; to him. When do I truly allow myself to sit there and think about how blessed I am. I haven’t enjoyed the little things. I’ve been taking them for granted. That’s not something that is easy to admit but It was so clear because I haven’t felt this way in a long time.
I don’t usually open up like this, I think it’s because I have plenty “bad” mom moments so when I write about the good, and make everything seem so perfect I feel phony about it. Like what am I trying to prove and more importantly who am I trying to prove it to. Its almost like the negative weights more than the positive. I realize this is not how it really is but we all know mom guilt all too well. It really seems to consume a better part of us.
♡
2 littles & a latte 