A few steps in the right direction

And it all starts with believing in yourself.

Im back guys! After taking almost half a year off from blogging, and focusing on the kids and having an unforgettable summer thus far, it’s really great to get back to writing.

There was a time where I wanted to delete my blog, I was thinking what’s literally the point. I can’t keep up with it, no one reads it, and there are so many blogs out there, how is mine different. Well it is, because this is my story. As I’m gaining more confidence, and believing in myself, I find myself being more vulnerable. And this is the best place to be so.

So what’s new? Well, my almost 5 year old Is starting kindergarten this year, and although I have been freaking out, there is a part of me that is so excited to watch him make his own path and hopefully this will put more of a routine in his daily life. Mateo will be going to pre-K. I think he will love it, as long as he slowly learns to detach from me. But he is one of the smartest and most creative little boys that I have ever met so I’m not worried!

Im still working, full time, as a nurse practitioner at an urgent care. I love what I do. I make a great impact, and a great income.

Recently, however, I started a new journey. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting, staying away from the negativity and my main focus was to be a better mom.

What does that even mean?

Well, what that means for me is; less yelling, more encouraging, talking to them like they are humans, and telling myself that these are Gods children, and he trusted ME to care for them. He trusted me to guide them and supply them with all their needs. So many times I feel like I fail him. I used to come home after a busy day at work and take out my frustration on the people that I love the most. I get so preoccupied with housework, and dinner, that it completely puts me into a downward spiral when I have to stop and break up a fight every 5 minute, or answer the 100th “mom?” question, or fighting with Mateo to eat something. 

My moods were all over the place, mainly because of those struggles, I had major mom guilt and felt like they deserved better. I didn’t know much about daily affirmations. I didn’t tell myself daily that I’m a good mom. A good wife. A good nurse practitioner. No, instead I burried myself in my negative ‘poor me’ feelings of wishing I was better, but doing nothing about it.

And before this starts sounding like a dream testimonial- I just want to tell you that I still have days that I still struggle with this. But it is truly getting so much better. I think majority of this is because I’ve been more focused on health and wellness. I don’t mean going to the gym everyday, or eating super healthy all of a sudden, because that is not realistic to me. Plain and simple. I did not want to set unrealistic expectations. My idea of health and wellness, is internal wellness and mind health.

I started researching natural products to help with fatigue and anxiety (root to all evil) because it leads to depression, mood swings and anger. Boom- those were my issues. I didn’t struggle with my body image- yes the endorphins would help at the gym but my issue was bigger than that. I knew that if I can get my mind straight, then the rest will follow.

After reading about different products (FYI-there’s not much eye opening information out there), I did come across plexus. I heard of plexus before. My friend Brittany Hitch would post about it here and there, but mainly she posted how much her life has changed while being on plexus. So I reached out to her because it just made sense at this point.

As I was waiting to get my products, I was reading and watching testimonials and watching how many peoples lives have changed, and not only because of how good they felt with the products, but also because of the business aspect of it. Literally they quit their jobs, got a free car, and vacations, all by sharing their results.

Obviously I was skeptical. They clearly sold their soul to online marketing, I thought. Plus, I don’t want to be that girl.

But, I did want to try the product.

I told myself -if I’m going to take a daily medication for my needs, then it might as well be something completely natural and plant based. Why not start here? It only made sense to me. If not now, then when? How much more anxiety and mom guilt can I actually go through before trying something? I was thinking I would finally at least be getting my daily multivitamin in and maybe a few extra ingredients that will only help, right?

So I’m into my second month of plexus, a brand spanken new ambassador, and I am taking these products every single day. Not a day goes by that I don’t drink my pink drink because I actually look forward to it, like coffee. I mean- just the fact that my mind has shifted to be excited about taking something that is good for me, is a HUGE step.

My anxiety, is almost non existent, guys. This has been so big for me. Even when I feel it coming on, I am able to work through it and automatically put my mind in a positive mindset. It’s crazy. (no pun intended)

My husband commented how my moods have been lighter, and I gained much more patience with the kids, especially when we are out, because we know how stressful that can be.

So, I am getting results. This is literally just the beginning and I’m already seeing some changes. And the business aspect? I basically got handed $250+ for sharing my passion & my results with my family and friends. I am, and have been so ready for my body to start balancing my hormones, moods, and energy to its greatest potential! And if I’m able to make an income, by impacting lives, then this is a great fit for me. And would be for so many of you moms out there. So if this resonates with you, and you feel like you can use similar results, send me a message. Or comment “opportunity”  and I’ll come searching for you! 😙

 

 

we do forget.

It’s not the moments that are memorable, it’s the way they make you feel.

I didn’t know how I wanted to start this post.  How Do I put into words how I felt about such simple little events that can seem so trivial to others. How do I portray such a simple story..

It has been a roller coaster with you, Mateo. Mostly ups. But the dips hit hard.

You are two and a half now. Strong willed and a sweet soul, like Ferdinand. You get so upset when I don’t understand what you want or are trying to say, and we are working on that with speech therapy. Your bravery is on another level.

The other day we made slime and you guys had an absolute blast making it! I remember you made a little crown out of it and put it on your head. To your surprise it was very difficult to take it off because it kept sticking to your hair. You came to me, sooo calmy and telling me to help you. I did the best I could, I could tell it was hurting when I was pulling your hair and I told you we will get the rest in the bath. Well you went to the bathroom by yourself, and started putting soap and water on the parts where the slime was stuck. You tried so hard to take it off, maybe in fear that you would get in trouble? You came to me with your head wet, not a tear in your eyes but I saw so much bravery in you. I was so proud of you that moment. I saw a little boy, who was showing his independence and instead of freaking out, you figured out a solution. Like I said, trivial to others.

You think you will never forget how a moment made you feel, you think you will never take a day for granted and focus on your blessings in a midst of a mental breakdown you have while yelling at your child after 5 hours of trying to keep your cool. But we all know that’s not true. Life happens. And we do forget. We so anxiously await for the future, for them to grow or for change to happen. Living in the present requires acknowledging that every single moment is a gift.

A year older

How am I a mom to an almost 4 year old? It’s unreal how time flies. It’s so strange to look at him as a little person and no longer a baby. He grew into the sweetest boy that has such a great understanding of everything and the biggest heart and love for life. I still get those moments where I look at him and just smile because I cant believe he’s mine and I have a true best friend in him. I know he will grow into someone that will always see the best in everyone, be friends with everyone and go above and beyond for his friends and family; just like his daddy. There’s just that bond with your first born that is like no other.

My sweet little monster Mateo is my joy. He’s almost 2 and I’m feeling every ounce of those terrible two’s. He is so smart, but definitely a man of few words. From the moment he was a baby everyone recognized a wise ‘old soul’ in him. His eyes always told a story. He knew more than what we thought, and he still does. He takes his time. He knows what he wants and his perseverance is something we can all learn from.

The revealed mother

First I would just like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there! Everyday is your day, but this weekend should be nothing short of long naps, take out & being smothered in kisses.I originally started this post writing about celebrating mother’s day & how we don’t turn little holidays into a big deal. I was going to write how proud I am of Luka and the mother’s Day tea we had at his school and quickly that post turned into talking about his setbacks and the struggles we have lately endured.

I deleted the entire thing. I realized, I don’t want to look back and just read about my mother’s day. I don’t want to write just to write. It’s not the reason I started this blog. I want to read it and feel it. I don’t want to talk about the setbacks of my children. I want to rave about how proud I am of their accomplishments, how loving they are, and how happy they make me.

It was late at night, Friday night. I was sitting there, looking down at my phone while I was rocking Mateo to sleep. I usually use that time to scroll through social media because I try hard to avoid it when they are awake and need my attention.

Anyways, he was being antsy, wiggling around and just couldn’t get comfortable, but I knew he was tired. He finished his bottle and just kept pointing to things on my phone. Finally he sat up, and laid his head on my chest. Then he closed his eyes. But at that moment I realized I was so distant from him. I was looking down on my phone. Was I expecting to see something more important than my child? No, I thought. So I quickly turned it off. This sweet angel was literally leaning into me. He couldn’t have gotten any closer to my heart…

Tears started streaming down my face. Tears of joy, and tears of gratitude. I truly was soaking it all in. The quiet time with him, just rubbing his back and listening to him breath. I was thinking how this doesn’t happen very often. I don’t remember the last time I cried tears of joy. That struck a cord with me. It allowed me to realize how important these moments are to me, but more importantly; to him. When do I truly allow myself to sit there and think about how blessed I am. I haven’t enjoyed the little things. I’ve been taking them for granted. That’s not something that is easy to admit but It was so clear because I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

I don’t usually open up like this, I think it’s because I have plenty “bad” mom moments so when I write about the good, and make everything seem so perfect I feel phony about it. Like what am I trying to prove and more importantly who am I trying to prove it to. Its almost like the negative weights more than the positive. I realize this is not how it really is but we all know mom guilt all too well. It really seems to consume a better part of us.

♡

Luka turns 3!

My first born Luka, the one who made me a mom and taught me and is still teaching me so much. He is the sweetest soul, has the biggest heart and loves so hard. Terrible twos definitely lived up to its name but I’m hoping 3’s are more mellow. The past few weeks have been a lot easier, so I’m hopeful. This past weekend we celebrated his 3rd birthday.. he was so excited and was asking about his party the whole week.

Continue reading →