Ever feel like you are failing as a mom? Mom guilt is the worst. There has been SO much on my mind lately. You know those moments where you just lay in bed and think about stuff? So many changes I want to make, one of them being to become a mom in my fullest potential. I don’t mean to love them more (because how is that even possible), or keep them safe and their needs met. Those are all things that are already built in a mom and most moms don’t fail at that. I want to take on that deeper responsibility. I want to raise them as good human beings and realize that I am growing a person, not fixing a problem. In all that, I also want to become a better, more patient person.

It’s very easy to compare your child to others, in fact it’s natural. You compare what they eat, how and when they talk, walk and go potty. How they are doing in school and the occasional comparison of toys and the latest gadgets. Like when you really think about it, or better yet look back at it after 5 years, you realize how irrelevant it all was in raising a child. Eventually most kids will walk, talk, be potty trained by that age. Does it really matter when it all started? I don’t believe that any of it is a direct reflection of your parenting. Nor does it mean that your kid is failing. I think what’s more important is their mental being. I’m a firm believer in letting kids learn the hard way, meaning don’t let everything get handed to them, and don’t baby them. It will show in how they treat others and react to others.

I’m learning to let go of expectation of age because all kids are different and learn at a different pace. It can consume a better part of you when you start believing your child is “behind”.

I’m learning that tantrums are not always a bad thing. It means they have emotions, they are in touch with their emotions and will in the future have opinions about things instead of following the crowd and doing what everyone else does or is suppose to do.

I’m learning to not take things for granted. My anxiety and fear of something happening to my kids is debilitating and it only gets worse when you read stories online about kids losing their life or getting hit by a car and to think how it can all happen in seconds. Your life can literally change in seconds. I’m talking complete joy ripped right out of you and filled with guilt and sadness for probably as long as you live. It’s so easy to forget that life is a gift and tomorrow is not promised.

We all struggle on a daily basis to balance life the best we can. No, the dishes or laundry cannot always wait because personally it would stress me out and who needs a stressed out mom. Work; well thats just a part of life and Im slowly learning to not feel guilty about it. I don’t have the luxury of being a SAHM, nor do I wanna be. However, those moments home alone with my boys are priceless. I want to not feel frustrated when they tear apart their playroom for the millionth time, or won’t touch a thing on the plate, or hearing “mommy, mommy” every second they are awake. I want to full heartedly enjoy them.

You guys, I don’t even know if this all makes sense. It doesn’t always make complete sense in my head but I know it’s what I’m feeling and just being real. Hope some of you can relate.

always, Inna